The Redneck Chronicles
Bubba Does England
(Not England, Arkansas. The BIG one.)
Time and diarrhea wait for no man! --Oliver Cromwell
Getting to Manchester, England is not as easy as eating a peanut butter and Spam sandwich, It's a far piece and takes some doing just to get there. Few people go to Manchester unless they get a free trip, which is exactly why I am "doing" England.
My spousal unit was awarded this trip because of her work with a sporting association that is the No. 1 sport in the world. No, not NASCAR. Futbol! Soccer!
An insurance company paid for 44 people to fly from all over the U.S. (Louisiana to Michigan and from Alaska to South Carolina) to fly to England to watch Manchester United play soccer.
The plane ride over was just great, if you don't count the Manchester girls behind us on their way home and who demanded we un-recline our seats because it infringed on their space. My better self forbade me from telling them that airplane seats recline so people can rest and not fret about getting a terminal case of air rage and kill fellow passengers who made stupid demands.
I also declined to lower myself to the primordial level of swamp slugs and tell them to SPEAK ENGLISH. NO, NOT THAT ENGLISH, GOOD ENGLISH LIKE WE SPEAK IN ARKANSAS.
In addition to their sing-song cadence, they were Double A's: Adenoidal and annoying.
I knew before hieing off that Great Britian and other uncivilized and illogical entities (Australia, South Africa, Hong Kong, New Zealand, Japan, India, Pakistan and Nigeria, among others) drive on the left.
What I didn't know is that their divided highways also run bass-akwards. Sitting in the front of a bus the first time the driver turns on one of those things will scare the holy pudding right out of you.
Someone should tell these backward countries that whatever reason caused them to drive on the wrong side is no longer a real reason. Ships pass on the right. Courteous pedestrians pass on the right. The exception is people walking in malls. Or expectant mothers. Get between the Gap Baby store and a pregnant woman with a gift certificate and all bets are off.
The Romans built major thoroughfares where chariots and marching hordes passed on the right. Hordes, dadgummit! Get your mind out of the gutter.
Why, then, are certain countries wrong-headed about driving in the wrong lane? As one Manchesterian said when asked: "Well, that's just the way it's done, isn't it?"
With an attitude like that it's a wonder they ever even had an Empire.
Went looking for scones and clotted cream at a fashionable restaurant. The Slug and Lettuce restaurant was out. The Grammy's Bustle was also sconeless. So was Chauncey's Live Bait. Seems the clotted cream delivery truck had a wreck with the scones delivery truck.
One of the two vehicles was driving on the wrong side of the road.
Told ya!
(To be continued)(Not England, Arkansas. The BIG one.)
Time and diarrhea wait for no man! --Oliver Cromwell
Getting to Manchester, England is not as easy as eating a peanut butter and Spam sandwich, It's a far piece and takes some doing just to get there. Few people go to Manchester unless they get a free trip, which is exactly why I am "doing" England.
My spousal unit was awarded this trip because of her work with a sporting association that is the No. 1 sport in the world. No, not NASCAR. Futbol! Soccer!
An insurance company paid for 44 people to fly from all over the U.S. (Louisiana to Michigan and from Alaska to South Carolina) to fly to England to watch Manchester United play soccer.
The plane ride over was just great, if you don't count the Manchester girls behind us on their way home and who demanded we un-recline our seats because it infringed on their space. My better self forbade me from telling them that airplane seats recline so people can rest and not fret about getting a terminal case of air rage and kill fellow passengers who made stupid demands.
I also declined to lower myself to the primordial level of swamp slugs and tell them to SPEAK ENGLISH. NO, NOT THAT ENGLISH, GOOD ENGLISH LIKE WE SPEAK IN ARKANSAS.
In addition to their sing-song cadence, they were Double A's: Adenoidal and annoying.
I knew before hieing off that Great Britian and other uncivilized and illogical entities (Australia, South Africa, Hong Kong, New Zealand, Japan, India, Pakistan and Nigeria, among others) drive on the left.
What I didn't know is that their divided highways also run bass-akwards. Sitting in the front of a bus the first time the driver turns on one of those things will scare the holy pudding right out of you.
Someone should tell these backward countries that whatever reason caused them to drive on the wrong side is no longer a real reason. Ships pass on the right. Courteous pedestrians pass on the right. The exception is people walking in malls. Or expectant mothers. Get between the Gap Baby store and a pregnant woman with a gift certificate and all bets are off.
The Romans built major thoroughfares where chariots and marching hordes passed on the right. Hordes, dadgummit! Get your mind out of the gutter.
Why, then, are certain countries wrong-headed about driving in the wrong lane? As one Manchesterian said when asked: "Well, that's just the way it's done, isn't it?"
With an attitude like that it's a wonder they ever even had an Empire.
Went looking for scones and clotted cream at a fashionable restaurant. The Slug and Lettuce restaurant was out. The Grammy's Bustle was also sconeless. So was Chauncey's Live Bait. Seems the clotted cream delivery truck had a wreck with the scones delivery truck.
One of the two vehicles was driving on the wrong side of the road.
Told ya!
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