Rumors are just lies told with supposedly insider knowledge. The rumor mills never stop, regardless of location.
So, for the record, here’s some rumors that have no validity and I take this opportunity to slap them down with a vehement spirit.
1) Sarah Palin will not run for president in 2012. Neither will Mike Huckabee. Neither will 12 politicians we don't know who have a good chance of winning the presidency.
2) The wife of the top Taliban spiritual leader was quoted as saying in an interview that she thinks President Barack Obama is “one hunky dude.”
3) Wal-Mart is going to revert to its traditional roots and pledges to provide exemplary customer service.
4) Soccer is a communist plot to keep good athletes from participating in football, baseball and basketball.
5) Those little stickers placed on fruit and vegetables are part of a terrorist plot to poison Americans. (I hate them durn things!)
6) Computers in all stores are always totally accurate in reading prices and weights.
7) When most adults say “it’s bout the kids” in regard to education, sports or extra-curricular activities, it’s always – always – about the kids.
8) No one in government has ever paid an individual to cast a vote a certain way or work to get others to vote likewise.
9) There are monied folks in this country who work hard behind the scenes to get certain candidates elected simply because they believe in good government without personal gain.
10) A recent assault by American warplanes near the Pakistani border with Afghanistan killed more than 15 sheep, leaving Osama bin Laden without a date for the 10th Annual Terrorist Prom.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
More unvarnished police news, please and thank you
It’s a visceral thing, not a cerebral thing, this penchant for most humans to stare at those life-occurrences that repulse us. You know, the car wreck, ambulance in attendance. The house afire. The report of a drowning or hatchet murder or bombing.
It’s that same urge that makes reading the police report in some newspapers literary fodder for many readers.
A perusal of the police report in a community newspaper recently had some juicy tidbits – possession of marijuana, disorderly conduct, public intoxication, and the like. But what could serve as good back fence gossip was watered down by the legalese thrown into the report. To wit: Somebody named Charlene was charged with failure to maintain financial responsibility; a Billy Joe was charged with DWI and driving while license invalid with previous conviction; and Kevin was charged in Waskom with speeding.
What’s the real story? Where’s the guts, the info, the beef? Did Charlene stick it to a local merchant and not pay her bill? Was Billy Joe staggering-drunk or just tipsy? Did he blow a 2.4 on the breathalyzer? And was Kevin going 110 in a 30 mph. zone or just seven miles over the limit?
Police reports can be very entertaining. At several papers it was my pleasure to serve as editor and/or publisher, the court/cops reporter was instructed to take down the charges exactly as written by the arresting officer. Some were quite memorable.
In Las Cruces, New Mexico, this was the report by a citizen: “Mrs. XYZ reported a ‘strange’ man standing in her front yard urinating on her water meter. He was gone by the time officers arrived.”
In Mountain Home, Arkansas’ Baxter Bulletin: “The resident at XYZ East Main reported her cat had locked her out of the house. Officers went to assist and found she was using the key to her garage to try and gain entrance. No cat seen at the scene.”
In Selma, Alabama: “Councilman XYZ reported that at 2 a.m. every day for the past week someone had thrown a sack of dog crap in his yard. He wanted extra patrols in the area.”
Again, in Selma: “A report filed of a naked woman running down the middle of Highway XYZ. All officers on duty responded. An aggressive search of the area uncovered no naked woman.”
All police reports are interesting reading on some level. But most can certainly be improved by less editing and more “reality.” It stimulates the imagination, you know.
It’s that same urge that makes reading the police report in some newspapers literary fodder for many readers.
A perusal of the police report in a community newspaper recently had some juicy tidbits – possession of marijuana, disorderly conduct, public intoxication, and the like. But what could serve as good back fence gossip was watered down by the legalese thrown into the report. To wit: Somebody named Charlene was charged with failure to maintain financial responsibility; a Billy Joe was charged with DWI and driving while license invalid with previous conviction; and Kevin was charged in Waskom with speeding.
What’s the real story? Where’s the guts, the info, the beef? Did Charlene stick it to a local merchant and not pay her bill? Was Billy Joe staggering-drunk or just tipsy? Did he blow a 2.4 on the breathalyzer? And was Kevin going 110 in a 30 mph. zone or just seven miles over the limit?
Police reports can be very entertaining. At several papers it was my pleasure to serve as editor and/or publisher, the court/cops reporter was instructed to take down the charges exactly as written by the arresting officer. Some were quite memorable.
In Las Cruces, New Mexico, this was the report by a citizen: “Mrs. XYZ reported a ‘strange’ man standing in her front yard urinating on her water meter. He was gone by the time officers arrived.”
In Mountain Home, Arkansas’ Baxter Bulletin: “The resident at XYZ East Main reported her cat had locked her out of the house. Officers went to assist and found she was using the key to her garage to try and gain entrance. No cat seen at the scene.”
In Selma, Alabama: “Councilman XYZ reported that at 2 a.m. every day for the past week someone had thrown a sack of dog crap in his yard. He wanted extra patrols in the area.”
Again, in Selma: “A report filed of a naked woman running down the middle of Highway XYZ. All officers on duty responded. An aggressive search of the area uncovered no naked woman.”
All police reports are interesting reading on some level. But most can certainly be improved by less editing and more “reality.” It stimulates the imagination, you know.
More holidays, if you please
I’m a selfish guy. Always have been.
If somebody has something I want part of it, or access to it. I like to share things that other people have. I don’t mind giving up some of my stuff – halfees, so to speak – but I want the same thing in return from others.
On some things, however, I don’t like to share: Food and my wife are top on my list. If you would like a bite of my hamburger or a French fry off my plate, I would rather buy you a burger or fries than cut myself short on the caloric intake portions.
There's one city in which I used to be publisher of the local paper which gives its employees 12 holidays. In my present work station, I get seven. I want 12. Or, more precisely, 12 more than I now get. Now, the city is considering giving the employees four more days for a total of 16. I have upped my “wants” list to 12 new holidays, which are already designated as “special days” by the Commission for Special Days, or some other titled government entity.
The four that the city is considering adding are: President’s Day, Good Friday, Emancipation Day and Columbus Day. I like all those days and want to be off too, even though I don’t know when some of those holiday are.
The federal government gives our public servants 10 holidays, including the normal ones, plus Martin Luther King Day and Veterans Day (The born-and-bred southern employees probably think of it as celebrating the birthday of Robert E. Lee.)
Come to think of it, I want more days than that. There are ton of special days that have significance of a high nature that should be considered for time off.
Examples:
Poetry Day – January 13. Write a poem about a gnome before you go home. (I missed this one but will pick it up next year, for sure.)
National Freedom Day – February 1. Who is against freedom, for gosh’s sake? And why shouldn’t we be free for this day? (Next year, promise!)
National Peanut Butter Day – March 1. (What better protein stuffing fun is there, anyway?)
National Phone Day – April 4. Celebrate the day the first telephone was installed by calling every contact in your cell phone and say, “God bless that Bell guy!”
Hawaiian Lei Day – May 1. Celebrate by getting Lei-ed.
Yo-Yo Day – June 6. Let’s all grab a yo-yo and forego work for much needed exercise.
International Joke Day – July 1. Make it a good one and take the day off.
Play in the Sand Day and Hulk Hogan’s birthday – August 11. Combine the two and do WWF stuff in the sand. Or in Quikcrete if it’s not raining.
National Blueberry Popsicle Day – September 2. Nice way to greet the fall season. Where can you get a blueberry popsicle, anyway?
World Teacher Day – October 5. If there ever was a day that deserved its own holiday, this is it.
Button Day – November 16. Don’t know why there is such a day but it would be good to take off a day to rest up for Thanksgiving.
Eat a Red Apple Day and National Pie Day – Combine the two commemorative days into one and eat a red apple pie. Take off this day to slice, bake and eat.
This is just 12 extra holidays and that’s 27 fewer than Japan employees have and 41 fewer than workers in Europe.
We deserve more holidays because, goshdarnit, we’re Americans and work too hard as it is.
If somebody has something I want part of it, or access to it. I like to share things that other people have. I don’t mind giving up some of my stuff – halfees, so to speak – but I want the same thing in return from others.
On some things, however, I don’t like to share: Food and my wife are top on my list. If you would like a bite of my hamburger or a French fry off my plate, I would rather buy you a burger or fries than cut myself short on the caloric intake portions.
There's one city in which I used to be publisher of the local paper which gives its employees 12 holidays. In my present work station, I get seven. I want 12. Or, more precisely, 12 more than I now get. Now, the city is considering giving the employees four more days for a total of 16. I have upped my “wants” list to 12 new holidays, which are already designated as “special days” by the Commission for Special Days, or some other titled government entity.
The four that the city is considering adding are: President’s Day, Good Friday, Emancipation Day and Columbus Day. I like all those days and want to be off too, even though I don’t know when some of those holiday are.
The federal government gives our public servants 10 holidays, including the normal ones, plus Martin Luther King Day and Veterans Day (The born-and-bred southern employees probably think of it as celebrating the birthday of Robert E. Lee.)
Come to think of it, I want more days than that. There are ton of special days that have significance of a high nature that should be considered for time off.
Examples:
Poetry Day – January 13. Write a poem about a gnome before you go home. (I missed this one but will pick it up next year, for sure.)
National Freedom Day – February 1. Who is against freedom, for gosh’s sake? And why shouldn’t we be free for this day? (Next year, promise!)
National Peanut Butter Day – March 1. (What better protein stuffing fun is there, anyway?)
National Phone Day – April 4. Celebrate the day the first telephone was installed by calling every contact in your cell phone and say, “God bless that Bell guy!”
Hawaiian Lei Day – May 1. Celebrate by getting Lei-ed.
Yo-Yo Day – June 6. Let’s all grab a yo-yo and forego work for much needed exercise.
International Joke Day – July 1. Make it a good one and take the day off.
Play in the Sand Day and Hulk Hogan’s birthday – August 11. Combine the two and do WWF stuff in the sand. Or in Quikcrete if it’s not raining.
National Blueberry Popsicle Day – September 2. Nice way to greet the fall season. Where can you get a blueberry popsicle, anyway?
World Teacher Day – October 5. If there ever was a day that deserved its own holiday, this is it.
Button Day – November 16. Don’t know why there is such a day but it would be good to take off a day to rest up for Thanksgiving.
Eat a Red Apple Day and National Pie Day – Combine the two commemorative days into one and eat a red apple pie. Take off this day to slice, bake and eat.
This is just 12 extra holidays and that’s 27 fewer than Japan employees have and 41 fewer than workers in Europe.
We deserve more holidays because, goshdarnit, we’re Americans and work too hard as it is.
It’s not a petty thing if it drives you nuts
When I was working at various newspapers, I was sometimes accused of being petty, of wielding the journalistic pen and using strong arm tactics worthy of a dictatorship in a Third World country.
Denying that makes no sense, just as the accusations, then and now, make no sense. People believe what they want to believe.
Always a proponent of pithy editorial comment that was aimed at creating an environment for thought, I, and a majority of editors that passed through the News Messenger doors, wrote editorials and columns to create a bias for action.
That does not mean those written words didn’t create some heartburn in some folks. Some were assuredly meant to do just that.
I can only conjure up one column that was, in my opinion, then and now, petty. It wasn’t about any politician, or local group, the local school system, postal service, city administration, or any subject that most folks might consider to be fodder for pettiness.
I remember going on a tangent more than 20 years ago about a pet peeve of mine and more than one person told me I was being petty and petulant. If something is so severely intimidating and irritating that it makes you want to take a 2x4 and beat some poor stranger, then, in my opinion, it is certainly not a petty matter.
It is my personal belief that every single person on this planet with an IQ over 12 has at least one pet peeve. My main pet peeve is those stupid little paper stickers applied to fruit and vegetables in grocery stores.
You know. Those little red-and-white or green-and-white stickers with the dumb numbers that are attached to the skin of fruit or vegetables with a mixture of Super Glue and Quikcrete.
Certain fruits – pineapple and kiwi come to mind -- used to be exempt due to outer skin covering, but even those has succumbed to the insidious SSP (Stupid Sticker Program).
Yeah, yeah, I know why they put them on there: Inventory control. I don’t care. It’s not rocket science to look at existing batches of veggies and fruit and order when the stash gets low. That’s the way it was done for centuries before scanners, and it by gosh worked.
As a consumer, it’s a rip off. The stickers add additional weight to the item and I don’t want to pay the extra freight, so to speak. The stickers may be lightweight, but the psychological weight is very, very heavy.
And, the stickers cost money and, assuredly, that cost is passed on via higher consumer prices.
Those stickers are the same thing as … well, parsley. Who needs parsley? Who eats parsley? Yet consumers are forced to spend millions of dollars a year buying parsley that has the nutritional value of mucous and is used strictly for decoration.
I propose a two-prong approach to dealing with this problem: First, join the organization GASOFAV (Get All Stickers Off Fruits and Vegetables). Protest quietly by removing every sticker from offending supermarket items or, for the more adventuresome activist, switch kiwi stickers onto cantaloupes.
Join this fledgling group and help get stickers off fruits and veggies and then we move on to ousting parsley.
If I had my druthers, I would druther see little red-and-white stickers on my mashed potatoes than parsley. The stickers simply taste better.
Denying that makes no sense, just as the accusations, then and now, make no sense. People believe what they want to believe.
Always a proponent of pithy editorial comment that was aimed at creating an environment for thought, I, and a majority of editors that passed through the News Messenger doors, wrote editorials and columns to create a bias for action.
That does not mean those written words didn’t create some heartburn in some folks. Some were assuredly meant to do just that.
I can only conjure up one column that was, in my opinion, then and now, petty. It wasn’t about any politician, or local group, the local school system, postal service, city administration, or any subject that most folks might consider to be fodder for pettiness.
I remember going on a tangent more than 20 years ago about a pet peeve of mine and more than one person told me I was being petty and petulant. If something is so severely intimidating and irritating that it makes you want to take a 2x4 and beat some poor stranger, then, in my opinion, it is certainly not a petty matter.
It is my personal belief that every single person on this planet with an IQ over 12 has at least one pet peeve. My main pet peeve is those stupid little paper stickers applied to fruit and vegetables in grocery stores.
You know. Those little red-and-white or green-and-white stickers with the dumb numbers that are attached to the skin of fruit or vegetables with a mixture of Super Glue and Quikcrete.
Certain fruits – pineapple and kiwi come to mind -- used to be exempt due to outer skin covering, but even those has succumbed to the insidious SSP (Stupid Sticker Program).
Yeah, yeah, I know why they put them on there: Inventory control. I don’t care. It’s not rocket science to look at existing batches of veggies and fruit and order when the stash gets low. That’s the way it was done for centuries before scanners, and it by gosh worked.
As a consumer, it’s a rip off. The stickers add additional weight to the item and I don’t want to pay the extra freight, so to speak. The stickers may be lightweight, but the psychological weight is very, very heavy.
And, the stickers cost money and, assuredly, that cost is passed on via higher consumer prices.
Those stickers are the same thing as … well, parsley. Who needs parsley? Who eats parsley? Yet consumers are forced to spend millions of dollars a year buying parsley that has the nutritional value of mucous and is used strictly for decoration.
I propose a two-prong approach to dealing with this problem: First, join the organization GASOFAV (Get All Stickers Off Fruits and Vegetables). Protest quietly by removing every sticker from offending supermarket items or, for the more adventuresome activist, switch kiwi stickers onto cantaloupes.
Join this fledgling group and help get stickers off fruits and veggies and then we move on to ousting parsley.
If I had my druthers, I would druther see little red-and-white stickers on my mashed potatoes than parsley. The stickers simply taste better.
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