Who are these people? And why do we care?

Amy Childs.

I know I’m supposed to know who she is.

January Jones, too. And Imogene Thomas, Kelly Rowland, Katie Price, Eva Herzigova, Scotty McCeery, Johnny Rockett, Bethenny Frankel, Lauren Conrad, Kim Kardashian and Ashley Simpson.

But, People Magazine love a duck, I don’t know these people. Well, not quite true, I have heard of Kim Kardashian. She’s the daughter of the Kardashian lawyer fellow who was O.J. Simpson’s good friend and was one of the trial lawyers who helped set up the scenario that put the murderer back on the street.

But the question is: Why is his daughter considered a celebrity?

People, Us, Galmour, Sluts R Them – all of the top chick lit magazines – tell me page after page that some people I have never heard of are celebrities. Some names I know, some I think I made have heard of, but most I don’t.

I know Paris Hilton because she’s rich and slutty and has been arrested umpteen times for being rich and slutty. I know Lindsey Lohan because she too is rich and slutty; she’s also a druggie and has made headlines by making slutty and druggie her profession.

I’m supposed to know Jennifer Rovero too, but I don’t. A former friend chided me because I didn’t know Jennifer Rovero was once Hilton’s girlfriend. I had not a clue who she was until the friend owned up to the fact Rovero’s a former Playboy playmate. Oh! That Jennifer Rovero! Why didn’t you say so?

When I was recently ranting about non-celebrity celebrities, someone told me Keeping up with the Kardashians was a TV reality show. I threw up in the back of my throat and wanted to take John Prine’s advice and blow up my TV. But then I heard that the Head Fem Kardashian was married to Bruce Jenner, a childhood friend of mine. You know, Olympic champion, fella on a Wheatie’s box!

So, I tuned in. Oh, my, Bruce! What have they done to ye? Someone should have told me that ol’ Bruce had died and the embalmer had messed up his face so badly it looks like the covering of a paper egg.

There comes a time when reality is no longer in my comfort zone and Bruce Jenner’s face proved to be my breaking point.

I cancelled my subscription to People. I took the refund and put it in my truck console. I only draw a little out time and again when I go to the supermarket and see that Us or People have a cover story on someone important … like Blanket Jackson.

He’s so cute!