Don’t make fun of religious beliefs

I work hard at forcing myself not making fun of any religions. Because, actually, I’m hedging my bets about which religion is right and which is way ooooooutttttt there.

I have some do’s and don’ts about my personal beliefs. For example, I don’t believe the Bible, or any holy book for that matter, really teaches that men should have multiple spousal units. Shoot, most of us can’t handle one with staying in trouble all the time.

And I don’t believe that if I blow myself up in a crowd and kill umpteen people that I am a martyr and will have a bevy of virgins waiting for me in that religion’s rendition of heaven. As the old-timey gospel song says, “I wanna go to heaven, I just don’t want to go right now.”

I do make fun of televangelists of just about any religious persuasion – from Jim Bakker to Jerry Falwell, from Jimmy Swaggart to Joel Osteen, from Oral Roberts to Ernest Ainsley. I don’t apologize for the fact that I find that oldies and newbies really funny at times. It all boils down to the fact that I’ve always had a problem with people telling me to send money to God and then giving me an address in Dallas or Charlotte or Hollywood.

I believe in Judgment Day, but believe it is on an individual basis, not on a Saturday in May. That’s want a large number of kooks around the world believed this last week
A group of so-called Christians proclaimed that May 21 was Rapture Day. That’s the word from Harold Camping, an 89-year-old retired civil engineer who founded the Family Radio Network. Camping broadcast his message of Rapture-ing around the world … and a bunch of people bought it.

Camping wanted to be jerked to Jesus on a certain time and hour with true followers of the Christian faith. It did not dissuade some folks that Camping also predicted the end of time in 1994 … but when time marched on 27 years ago, some convenient oh-well excuse led the way to the 2011 prediction.

Simply, if Jesus returned to Earth last Saturday, he did it incognito and probably wanted to see what the fuss was all about.

Who believed this claptrap? Marie Exley, for one. Marie left her home in Colorado last year to join Family Radio's effort to publicize the message, just returned from a lengthy overseas trip that included stops in the Middle East, where she put up billboards in Israel, Jordan, Lebanon and Iraq.

Before Saturday she said, "I decided to spend the last few days with my immediate family and fellow believers. Things started getting more risky in the Middle East when Judgment Day started making the news."

The prediction has been publicized in almost every country, said Chris McCann, who works with eBible Fellowship, one of the groups spreading the message. "The only countries I don't feel too good about are the `stans' -- you know, Afghanizatan, Uzbekistan, those countries in Central Asia," he said.

McCann spent Saturday with his family, reading the Bible and praying. His fellowship met for the last time earlier last week. ”We had a final lunch and everyone said goodbye," he said. "We don't actually know who's saved and who isn't, but we won't gather as a fellowship again."

On the other side of the religious spectrum, a host of Rapture Parties were held, betting the Glory Train wouldn’t show up before the party was over. It turned out to be a good, sound bet.

At least one entrepreneur found a way to make some money off the rapture story. Bart Centre from New Hampshire founded “Eternal Earth-bound Pets a couple of years ago and pledged to take care of pets left behind when their owners ascended into heaven.

At more than $100 a pet, he garnered more about 260 clients. That’s $26,000.

And there are those who think God doesn’t have a sense of humor.