Believe it! World is crazier than ever

How crazy is this old world?

Crazy is as crazy does.

The following are “WHOA” moments, you know, those events that cause people with common sense to go “whoa” and shake their collective heads in disbelief.

WHOA! 1: A carnival recently came under political and judicial heat for having a dart-throwing game. The object of the throwing darts? A photo of President Obama. The very least the vendor could have done was have a photo alongside of Mitch McConnell. Give the carnival-goers a choice, for gosh sakes.

WHOA! 2: A New Jersey block gathering, part of the National Night Out anti-crime project, was the scene of a murder. A 39-year-old man was arguing with another party-goer and was shot in the head. Seems like the shooter didn’t get the anti-violence memo. There is no report that when he was apprehended he said, “Opps. My bad!”

WHOA! 3: Social Security is in the red. Seriously. But all the SS-drawing Baby Boomers don’t have to panic just yet. There’s enough money in the trust fund to last a while longer. If there’s not, the application line for Wal-Mart greeters is going to lap the parking lot.

WHOA! 4: The U.S. Postal Service posted (pun intended) a $3.5 billion loss in the last fiscal year. How can that be? FedEx and UPS are making money, but the ugly stepchild of the U.S. Gummit loses more money than the entire payroll of the Miami Heat? Has the government never heard of “house-cleaning” to turn a business around?

WHOA! 5: The law is the law, dadgummit. And any lawbreaker should be punished. Right? Even if the lawbreaker is a seven-year-old girl. Right?
Julie Murphy of Oregon City was cited by county inspector for not having a business license … for her lemonade stand. The temporary license cost $120, which, at 50 cents a glass, means that Julie would have to sell … let’s see, divide the five into the 2 and carry the 10… no that’s not right …. Anyway, she’d have to sell a bunch of durn lemonade.

The stupid public officials actually used “public safety” as the reason for shutting down the entrepreneurial tike.

Which brings me to …

WHOA! 6: It was about 1986 at the FireAnt Festival in Marshall. I was strutting around doing my chairman thing, glad-handing vendors and watching Patti at the Chamber and Janice McPherson do all the work, when I was buzzed about an emergency on the south side of the courthouse.

Seems the county health gomer was telling a Karnack vendor she had to shut down her stand. Her muscadine and pawpaw jelly weren’t prepared in an approved kitchen and “public health was at risk.”

I couldn’t believe the public servant was serious but, Shoot!, he assured me he was. I tried to reason with him, argue with him, even told him to go check on real lawbreakers, but he wouldn’t budge.

So, as my friends (and my detractors) know, I pulled a “George.”

Asking the lady how much merchandise she had on hand, she quickly did a count and I wrote her a check for $320 dollars or some such and hired her at $5 an hour to “sell” my merchandise for the remainder of the festival.

Then I turned to the health inspector: “This merchandise is now mine. I’m responsible for it. And I’m going to sell it through my contract agent, whom I am relieving of any legal responsibility for its sale.

“Issue your stupid citation or arrest me because we’re not shutting down.”

As he thought about it, I said quietly, “I can just see the headline in the News Mess: Publisher turns jelly seller, cited by county official.”

With his face the color of muscadine jelly, he stomped off the square.

I ended up with about 12 jars of jelly at the end of the festival and ate on that batch for the next four or five years.

Best durn jelly I ever had, too.

Had the sweet taste of righteousness tinted with just a hint of so-there!