An idea whose time has come

Are you sick and tired of the endless yammering about illegal aliens, how to control the slippery hordes, what to do with them when they are captured within the U.S. borders without proper papers, and how to pay for the get-the-hell-out program?

Well, join the verbal fray!

No one – no liberal, conservative, redneck immigrant hater or immigrant activist – has a clue how to solve the problem.

It’s time for a surefire solution. So, of course I have one, so here goes.

Surefire Solve-the-Illegal-Immigrant Plan

This plan includes four key steps:

1) Find every single illegal alien in the country by Christmas.
2) Throw their illegal hinnies out of the country.
3) Tell them if they come back, they will be horsewhipped with a piece of bobwire, regardless of age or gender. (I know it’s “barbed wire,” but I’m mad and don’t care.)
4) Fine every business that hires illegal aliens $1,000 per person for the first offense; second offense, the penalty escalates to $25,000 per illegal worker and confiscation of every flat screen TV and Lazyboy recliner the lawbreaker owns. The gummit would then sell the confiscated stuff and the revenue would go directly to reducing the national debt.

The second offense penalty would insure there would be no need for a third offense penalty.

Of course, the plan has problems, but so does every other plan thus far presented. Three of the four planks in the platform above are perfectly legal … about three more than any other plan thus far offered.

Acknowledging the bobwire beatings are a bit over the top, it is still proffered just so those aginners can throw something in the plan out.

So, let’s all push to get this plan passed.

And, when all the illegal immigrants are out of the country and the crops are not being picked, and the chickens are not being plucked, and the offerings at fast food restaurants are going bad, and buildings are not being cleaned, and landscaping chores are being left undone … we can all take a collective breath and be amazed at the abject stupidity that sometimes encapsulates the best of intentions.

The winds of change blow … well, sorta funny. As soon as people start getting hungry because there’s no fresh farm produce, or consumer goods escalate like the dickens because labor costs soars, there’ll be a solid clamoring to allow any ol’ immigrant who’ll work to make our lives easier and living it cheaper to cross the borders.

The situation would be laughable if it were not so darn pitiful.