More holidays, if you please

I’m a selfish guy. Always have been.

If somebody has something I want part of it, or access to it. I like to share things that other people have. I don’t mind giving up some of my stuff – halfees, so to speak – but I want the same thing in return from others.

On some things, however, I don’t like to share: Food and my wife are top on my list. If you would like a bite of my hamburger or a French fry off my plate, I would rather buy you a burger or fries than cut myself short on the caloric intake portions.

There's one city in which I used to be publisher of the local paper which gives its employees 12 holidays. In my present work station, I get seven. I want 12. Or, more precisely, 12 more than I now get. Now, the city is considering giving the employees four more days for a total of 16. I have upped my “wants” list to 12 new holidays, which are already designated as “special days” by the Commission for Special Days, or some other titled government entity.

The four that the city is considering adding are: President’s Day, Good Friday, Emancipation Day and Columbus Day. I like all those days and want to be off too, even though I don’t know when some of those holiday are.

The federal government gives our public servants 10 holidays, including the normal ones, plus Martin Luther King Day and Veterans Day (The born-and-bred southern employees probably think of it as celebrating the birthday of Robert E. Lee.)

Come to think of it, I want more days than that. There are ton of special days that have significance of a high nature that should be considered for time off.

Examples:

 Poetry Day – January 13. Write a poem about a gnome before you go home. (I missed this one but will pick it up next year, for sure.)
 National Freedom Day – February 1. Who is against freedom, for gosh’s sake? And why shouldn’t we be free for this day? (Next year, promise!)
 National Peanut Butter Day – March 1. (What better protein stuffing fun is there, anyway?)
 National Phone Day – April 4. Celebrate the day the first telephone was installed by calling every contact in your cell phone and say, “God bless that Bell guy!”
 Hawaiian Lei Day – May 1. Celebrate by getting Lei-ed.
 Yo-Yo Day – June 6. Let’s all grab a yo-yo and forego work for much needed exercise.
 International Joke Day – July 1. Make it a good one and take the day off.
 Play in the Sand Day and Hulk Hogan’s birthday – August 11. Combine the two and do WWF stuff in the sand. Or in Quikcrete if it’s not raining.
 National Blueberry Popsicle Day – September 2. Nice way to greet the fall season. Where can you get a blueberry popsicle, anyway?
 World Teacher Day – October 5. If there ever was a day that deserved its own holiday, this is it.
 Button Day – November 16. Don’t know why there is such a day but it would be good to take off a day to rest up for Thanksgiving.
 Eat a Red Apple Day and National Pie Day – Combine the two commemorative days into one and eat a red apple pie. Take off this day to slice, bake and eat.

This is just 12 extra holidays and that’s 27 fewer than Japan employees have and 41 fewer than workers in Europe.

We deserve more holidays because, goshdarnit, we’re Americans and work too hard as it is.