It's time for the piper to pay all of us

There is more so-called free money floating around due to the U.S. Stimulus Package than Carter has Little Liver Pills.

Arkansas is getting a nice chunk and the project list reads not so much like a "Oh!" list but like a "What the heck is this?" list.

Did you know the state is going to receive a $3.636 million for hybrid striped bass research? And, a grant for $3.45 million is going to the Dale Bumpers Rice Research Center. That's on top of the $3.45 million ponied up for the Dale Bumpers Small Farms Research Center. And, don't forget that more than $10.5 million has been allocated for research on fish, rice and small farms.

How’s the money going to be spend? Who cares? It’s free!

What else is Arkansas getting to drive the economy?

There's another $994,000 for studying endophytes; the UofA in Fayetteville is receiving $580,000 for its agriculture law program (just what we need, more agri lawyers); $1.95 million for conservation efforts (could just as well be "liberal" efforts) by the National Water Management System in Little Rock; and $519,000 for catfish and baitfish research.

(For the record, an endophyte is a plant growing inside another plant. Googling can make one smarter. We must assume that because someone applied for the grant and the federal government approved the money, it is important to reviving the economy.)

Ever been to Dierks Lake down in Southwest Arkansas? That little lake is getting a facelift to the tune of $1.26 million. The Osceola Harbor (Osceola has a harbor?) is on the tab for $1.1 million. The Delta Regional Authority is getting a whole bunch of money from several grants and it's not worth the time to total them up.

Something identified as "food damage reduction" is up for $1.1 million; $950,000 for landscaping of Fort Smith's Garrison Avenue; $330,000 for extending water and sewer lines in Warren, and; $237,000 to design and engineer a trolley car extension in Fort Smith.

Shoot! And here I thought there'd probably be some trivial projects hidden in the monetary laundry list.

If there’s one city in the state that needs help in alleviating traffic, it’s Cabot. The city needs a railroad overpass that actually relieves traffic congestion, needs another exit ramp off Highways 67-167 and needs some major road widening to expedite traffic flow.

Money has been allocated for road projects in Little Rock, Arkansas City, Washington and Benton counties, Fort Smith, Vilonia, Bella Vista ... and a railroad overpass in Marion. Nothing for Cabot in the Washington gimme list.

A personal favorite gimme grant is for $100,000 for "community-oriented crime-prevention efforts by the Cotton Plant Police Department."

For the record, Cotton Plant is where Andy and Barney lived before they moved to Mayberry.