Editorial appetizers, literary turnip greens

News items of interest:

1) Texas lawmakers urge Gov. Perry to run. Well, duh! They want Perry to run for the same reason some Arkansans wanted Bill Clinton to run … to get him out of the state.
2) What was NBC thinking? The network omitted the words “under God” from the Pledge of Allegiance during its coverage of the U.S. Open. Even thought the two words were not in the original Pledge, the phrase was added almost 60 years ago. The network issued a formal apology and should be forgiven for its gaffe. Well, okay, boycott NBC for a couple of weeks if it’ll make you feel better.
3) Tiger Woods did not compete in the U.S. Open. Tiger … who?
4) Some states are trying to collect taxes from Internet sales. Only about 15 years later than they should have. Hard for local merchants to compete with a no-tax competitor.
5) Doug Hutchinson, a character actor who was in “The Green Mile” and other movies married a 16-year-old aspiring country-western singer. Hutchinson is 51. “True love can be ageless,” the actor said. True. So-called true love can also be stupid.
6) Portland, Oregon flushed eight million gallons of drinking water because a man was caught on camera urinating in one of its reservoirs. That decision was made in spite of the fact urine is a sterile substance and that a bladder full of urine in eight million gallons would be so diluted as to do … nothing!
In addition to the lost water, it costs the city $8,000 in sewage fees. Gosh, think about what fish do in water. And raccoons … oh, heck, just give me a glass of tea, no, wait, coffee … uh huh. Aw, make it milk!
7) An Internet dating site dumped 30,000 people because they were ugly. Well, it’s about time!
8) A New York sun worshiper landed in the hospital with third-degree burns after the underwire in the top of her two-piece bathing suit became superheated. As my aunt stated one time: Turn around is about play. Some men get superheated just seeing women in two-piece bathing suits.
9) A 21-year-old man set up a rendezvous via smartphone texting with a 12-year-old girl and went to meet her … in his buggy. The man, a member of the Amish sect, have varying degrees of latitude for modern conveniences and can, apparently, use cell phones for work. The young man had more than 600 texting messages with the girl so, presumably, that is a lot of work. Amish sexter? That’s a moronic oxymoron if there ever was one!
10) Texas lawmakers – with the placid backing of Gov. Rick Perry – are going to take up the “no groping” bill by airport security. Stupidity does, indeed, go directly to the bone. The feds have control of airport security – not Perry, not the leggies. So, you can expect the feds to threaten again to cancel any and all flights into and out of Texas if this piece of clap-trap legislation passes. Threaten? Yes! Follow through this time if necessary? Absolutely! Look for Perry to pontificate this bill for his own political purposes. How sad.