Some news no news,
some news bad news,
no news is good news


The headline should have been a “grabber,” but it wasn’t. It was old news.

Inferno in California.

That’s like saying “Ocean is wet,” or “College students get drunk in Cancun.”

The older I get the more curmudgeon-like I become. I love news … but only the news I like. I don’t want to read anything about a whole herd of subjects, including:

Michael Jackson: He’s dead, for gosh sakes! He was a museum freak when alive and people won’t let him rest. He was a drug addict and a pedophile. The last great thing he did was “Thriller” and that has gotten old after the 1.732 millionth viewing.

Ted Kennedy: He’s dead, for gosh sakes! He was not a great man, but a spoiled rich kid who never grew up, never accepted responsibility for a single thing in his life, and taught all his bad traits to a host of younger Kennedites.

Fashionableness of Michelle Obama: She looks good in clothes (except for the black widow spider dress at the Dems convention). She slick, intelligent, a great role model for moms, and I’m sick to death about what she wears and how much it costs. It’s not news. It’s fluff.

Barack Obama news conferences: The president, well-spoken though he is, tends to talk in 33 1/3 rpms. when he should be giving us information at 78 rpms. A good speaker’s first priority is “Don’t put the audience to sleep.” Lately, the president’s news conferences are worst than feminine hygiene commercials.

Joe Biden: The old saw about the vice presidency not being worth a bucket of spit is not true in Biden’s case. He is worth a bucket of spit.

Dick Cheney: He’s dead, for gosh sakes! He just doesn’t know it. His trademark arrogant smile does not look good on a political corpse. He, like Biden, is also worth a bucket of spit.

Nancy Grace: She’s a hiccup in a world of roar-ers. Her middle name is Condescending and her nickname is KIA -- Know It All.

Larry King: He’s dead, for gosh sakes! It’s just that nobody’s has told him.
A corpse talking should be reserved for movies featuring Freddy Krueger.

Macaulay Culkin: The “Home Alone” kid star is rumored to be the mystery dad of Michael Jackson’s son. The son’s nickname is Blanket. His real name is Prince Michael II. Personally, I’d stick with Blanket. There are few things on this planet spookier than having Macaulay donate sperm for a surrogate child. The only thing that comes to mind is having Jacko as one’s poppa.

(Oh, I didn’t want to read anything about Jacko. But, this tidbit was, well, titillating.)

Fires in California: It’s California. The whole durn state burns. Every year. It’s not news. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the state. Saying California is on fire is like reporting the tide came in.

Ratings or surveys of the performance of politicians: Honestly, surveys don’t make a bit of difference. Ratings really don’t mean anything; they are just a blip on a slow news day. For example, 57 percent of Americans reported in a recent survey would replace the entire Congress.

Wait a minute! Hmmmm. Now that is a durn good survey!