Every person, on some level, wants to leave something behind that will be memorable. For most, it is our children, and at that, with four memorable children, I am fortunate indeed.
But I seek more ... a catch-phrase that will catch the attention of future generations and become part of the human literary lexicon. Thoughts pop into my head and are rejected like chaff from a thrasher machine. But some stick and, at least for a time, seem to be possible contenders.
It's not that men are from Mars or that women are from Venus, it's just that men are stupid.
Guilt is like an execution by guillotine ... but with guilt the victim pulls the lever that releases the blade.
A step toward a new beginning should not be taken in clown shoes.
I will not eat anything that contains additives.
(Quote from a man who died last week after choking on a handful of rocks.)
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Meeting a mermaid
A mermaid spoke to me just this morning.
She was in the shower, sitting astride the soap dish.
She wouldn't tell me her name,
said she wasn't from around here,
that I wouldn't know her folks, anyway.
We talked about yesterday's weather,
and guessed at the temperature of the water
that hit us both
like bubble bullets,
and (this got very deep)
about life.
Mine.
Not her's.
She was interested in the fact
that I was a heavy sleeper,
love thunderstorms,
gray horses at the track,
kittens but not cats,
that sometimes I cry in old movies,
the kind where James Stewart loses his wife
or where Shirley Temple is feeling rejected.
And she seemed especially interested
that I love children
and have an affinity for those
who are feisty
appreciate not being talked down to by adults.
She persuaded me to tell about my first love.
Ahhhh. Wanda Burkett,
red hair the color of cherry carrots,
teeth the size of ping pong balls,
freckles too numerous to count.
A true woman,
the first to get the glands of a 13-year-old
East Texas hickernut all a-dither.
The mermaid also liked my corny jokes,
especially the one about Nome, Alaska,
and she asked me to tell her some funny stories.
She laughed when I remarked,
with a studied serious expression,
that I was one punny fellow.
I decided I liked the way her bottom lip
wrinked in the middle when she laughed.
That was a spur of the moment decision,
one I believe I will retain.
She laughed some more,
as did I,
and I got a mouthful of water
and spat it in her direction.
She looked pleased I took the time to notice her.
Turning off the water, I said goodbye.
She smiled . . . and was gone.
That was just this morning.
Oh, sorry! Look at the time.
I have to go.
Time for another shower.
She was in the shower, sitting astride the soap dish.
She wouldn't tell me her name,
said she wasn't from around here,
that I wouldn't know her folks, anyway.
We talked about yesterday's weather,
and guessed at the temperature of the water
that hit us both
like bubble bullets,
and (this got very deep)
about life.
Mine.
Not her's.
She was interested in the fact
that I was a heavy sleeper,
love thunderstorms,
gray horses at the track,
kittens but not cats,
that sometimes I cry in old movies,
the kind where James Stewart loses his wife
or where Shirley Temple is feeling rejected.
And she seemed especially interested
that I love children
and have an affinity for those
who are feisty
appreciate not being talked down to by adults.
She persuaded me to tell about my first love.
Ahhhh. Wanda Burkett,
red hair the color of cherry carrots,
teeth the size of ping pong balls,
freckles too numerous to count.
A true woman,
the first to get the glands of a 13-year-old
East Texas hickernut all a-dither.
The mermaid also liked my corny jokes,
especially the one about Nome, Alaska,
and she asked me to tell her some funny stories.
She laughed when I remarked,
with a studied serious expression,
that I was one punny fellow.
I decided I liked the way her bottom lip
wrinked in the middle when she laughed.
That was a spur of the moment decision,
one I believe I will retain.
She laughed some more,
as did I,
and I got a mouthful of water
and spat it in her direction.
She looked pleased I took the time to notice her.
Turning off the water, I said goodbye.
She smiled . . . and was gone.
That was just this morning.
Oh, sorry! Look at the time.
I have to go.
Time for another shower.
Friday, March 20, 2009
When I die . . .
Smallish rants,
philosophical
meanderings
This is what I want my politically correct obituary to say when I decide to go toe’s-up:
George Sidney Smith, a French-Welsh-English-Irish-African-Native American-American, was jerked to Jesus today after saving newborn triplets and their mother from certain death by four rabid pit bull dogs.
“It was the bravest thing I ever saw,” Mrs. Beelzebub Slawman, the mother of the triplets, said. “He saw the danger and threw his body between the attacking dogs and me and my precious triplets – Ebekasneezer, Loki and Prettypenny.
“He died with a smile on his lips.”
The family has requested that in lieu of flowers, donations of Krispy Kreme donuts be made to the local homeless shelter, to be renamed the George S. Smith Shelter for the Unjobbed.
**
Ignorance you can do something about. Stupidity goes straight to the bone.
**
I do wish The Pope would keep his tongue in his mouth and his thoughts in his head on the subject of condoms.
First, he’s not supposed to know anything about such things, and secondly, The Pope talking about sex is like a politician plying his trade in Washington-on-the-deficit talking about fair play and honesty.
**
Okay, here’s an admission: I’m overweight.
At 6-2, I weight about 227 pounds. The mirror tells me that at 63, I don’t really look all that bad. I have not yet felt the urge to go to the Golden Corral or any all-you-can-eat buffet and look at the other patrons just to raise my self-esteem.
But I need to lose 20-25 pounds. I know it and I plan to get right on that project … after I finish icing the carrot cake with caramel icing.
But I don’t have the problem that a Bellevue, Nebraska policeman has. Chris Parent lost his job because at 5-9 and 300 pounds he was considered obese and unfit to be a police officer.
He sued and got reinstated because of a badly worded policy manual.
Report is that he’s on restricted duty, that he will only be allowed to run down those accused criminals he can actually catch … like candy-grabbing toddlers.
philosophical
meanderings
This is what I want my politically correct obituary to say when I decide to go toe’s-up:
George Sidney Smith, a French-Welsh-English-Irish-African-Native American-American, was jerked to Jesus today after saving newborn triplets and their mother from certain death by four rabid pit bull dogs.
“It was the bravest thing I ever saw,” Mrs. Beelzebub Slawman, the mother of the triplets, said. “He saw the danger and threw his body between the attacking dogs and me and my precious triplets – Ebekasneezer, Loki and Prettypenny.
“He died with a smile on his lips.”
The family has requested that in lieu of flowers, donations of Krispy Kreme donuts be made to the local homeless shelter, to be renamed the George S. Smith Shelter for the Unjobbed.
**
Ignorance you can do something about. Stupidity goes straight to the bone.
**
I do wish The Pope would keep his tongue in his mouth and his thoughts in his head on the subject of condoms.
First, he’s not supposed to know anything about such things, and secondly, The Pope talking about sex is like a politician plying his trade in Washington-on-the-deficit talking about fair play and honesty.
**
Okay, here’s an admission: I’m overweight.
At 6-2, I weight about 227 pounds. The mirror tells me that at 63, I don’t really look all that bad. I have not yet felt the urge to go to the Golden Corral or any all-you-can-eat buffet and look at the other patrons just to raise my self-esteem.
But I need to lose 20-25 pounds. I know it and I plan to get right on that project … after I finish icing the carrot cake with caramel icing.
But I don’t have the problem that a Bellevue, Nebraska policeman has. Chris Parent lost his job because at 5-9 and 300 pounds he was considered obese and unfit to be a police officer.
He sued and got reinstated because of a badly worded policy manual.
Report is that he’s on restricted duty, that he will only be allowed to run down those accused criminals he can actually catch … like candy-grabbing toddlers.
Friday, February 13, 2009
I wanna get a quote published in one of those quote books
1) George Bush's administration was like a pumpkin … both before and after it has been carved into a Jack O' Lantern -- bumpy, lumpy, hard on the outside, pure mush on the inside, and, at the end, scary as hell.
2) Friendships are like saltwater taffy. When chilled, they can snap apart; when warm, they hang together despite attempts to pull them apart.
3) One person I know compares my attempts at humor to a NASCAR driver leading the final lap at Daytona – fast and furious and hugging the inside verb curve.
4) If life were a color, I'd have a hard time choosing between: Golf pants on Seniors Day at the course; an explosion at Sherwin Williams; the smile of a child after eating a candied apple; or Tammy Faye Bakker's eye shadow.
2) Friendships are like saltwater taffy. When chilled, they can snap apart; when warm, they hang together despite attempts to pull them apart.
3) One person I know compares my attempts at humor to a NASCAR driver leading the final lap at Daytona – fast and furious and hugging the inside verb curve.
4) If life were a color, I'd have a hard time choosing between: Golf pants on Seniors Day at the course; an explosion at Sherwin Williams; the smile of a child after eating a candied apple; or Tammy Faye Bakker's eye shadow.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
God Shows He Loves Us
Every once in a while God looks down and decides He wants to show His love for us by giving humankind something incredibly special . . . like Krispy Kreme donuts.
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