Politicians
announce for
presidential run for
myriad reasons: Ego being
the most powerful, followed by
a thirst for power.
Few want to
work for
change.
Change
can’t come
if people won’t
stand up and proclaim
with righteous indignation that change
must come in order
for system to
benefit the
masses.
Special
interests run
this country, just
ask any honest politician.
Oh, never mind, those critters
are endangered. Time for
people to take
back their
country.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Taste the fine wine of life
Time
bottled up
is not time
wasted, but time contained.
Open the bottle, let it
breathe. Taste the fine
wine of a
good life
lived.
bottled up
is not time
wasted, but time contained.
Open the bottle, let it
breathe. Taste the fine
wine of a
good life
lived.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Budget issue not that big of a deal
Balancing the federal budget is no big deal. Seriously. If the Demogogues and Republicrats could get past their party label and egos and start working together to run the country as a business, then it, really, no big deal to balance the budget.
Here, from the consonants and vowels of one versed in small business operation and global business finances, are the steps the president and Congress should do to accomplish that in short order.
1) Start with the assumption that the federal budget must be cut by 10 percent. Period.
2) Have every department and agency head prepare a new budget showing those cuts …without cutting a single federal employee that has face-to-face interaction with the public. The only exception would be the Department of Education, and that with this caveat: Quit throwing money away on sunshiny programs and get the nation’s schools back to the basics of formative education. You know, reading, writing, etc.
3) Mandate a 10 percent cut in the number of federal workers, which equates to about 96,000. That would save more than $5.7 billion annually. Exception: See No. 2. These cuts would be to patronage jobs in mid-management and phony-baloney job titles like “under-assistant to the assistant to the director.”
4) Gather those new budgets and hmmmmm over them a while, saying, “This looks good.” Then hand them back with a smile and say, “Now, cut 5-10 percent more.”
5) Curtail every single federal aid program until the needs of our own people are met. Period.
6) Declare a two-year moratorium on every single local project. The new rule is: If it is needed locally, then local people can pay for it. (Think about it: Why should people in Arkansas help pay for a subway system in Boston? Or a levee in New Orleans?) Excluded would be emergency situations involving natural disasters or major events (water shortage) that could affect human life.
7) Declare the welfare system a disaster and disgrace. Form a bare-bones agency modeled after the Depression Era Civilian Conservation Corps. It’s work for welfare or do without. Exceptions are those who are physically unable to work or handicapped. (Obese and lazy are not exceptions.)
8) Get our troops out of Iraq by Thursday. Get our troops out of Afghanistan by next week. Exception: There is no exception. The allied troops can stay in those two nitflicked countries for a week or 50 years and when we do pull out, it’s going to Allah in a hand basket. It’s called historical precedence. Get out now and don’t look back. The Middle Eastern warfront is like Vietnam, only sandy.
9) Make a law that mandates elected officials receive exactly the same benefits as the unwashed masses … no more, no less. That means every person with a first name of Sen. or Rep. goes on Social Security and Medicare. (That solves the endless chaotic chatter about the sky-is-falling Social Security program.)
10) Flat tax. Everybody who makes over $25,000 a year pays. No exceptions.
11) Get rid of the tax code. Straight-line reporting: Income x % = tax owed. Exemptions: Child and other current house residents, and state and local taxes can be deducted.
12) Term limits. With term limits, federal office holders don’t have to worry so much about pleasing corporations and individuals with deep pockets.
‘Nuff said.
Here, from the consonants and vowels of one versed in small business operation and global business finances, are the steps the president and Congress should do to accomplish that in short order.
1) Start with the assumption that the federal budget must be cut by 10 percent. Period.
2) Have every department and agency head prepare a new budget showing those cuts …without cutting a single federal employee that has face-to-face interaction with the public. The only exception would be the Department of Education, and that with this caveat: Quit throwing money away on sunshiny programs and get the nation’s schools back to the basics of formative education. You know, reading, writing, etc.
3) Mandate a 10 percent cut in the number of federal workers, which equates to about 96,000. That would save more than $5.7 billion annually. Exception: See No. 2. These cuts would be to patronage jobs in mid-management and phony-baloney job titles like “under-assistant to the assistant to the director.”
4) Gather those new budgets and hmmmmm over them a while, saying, “This looks good.” Then hand them back with a smile and say, “Now, cut 5-10 percent more.”
5) Curtail every single federal aid program until the needs of our own people are met. Period.
6) Declare a two-year moratorium on every single local project. The new rule is: If it is needed locally, then local people can pay for it. (Think about it: Why should people in Arkansas help pay for a subway system in Boston? Or a levee in New Orleans?) Excluded would be emergency situations involving natural disasters or major events (water shortage) that could affect human life.
7) Declare the welfare system a disaster and disgrace. Form a bare-bones agency modeled after the Depression Era Civilian Conservation Corps. It’s work for welfare or do without. Exceptions are those who are physically unable to work or handicapped. (Obese and lazy are not exceptions.)
8) Get our troops out of Iraq by Thursday. Get our troops out of Afghanistan by next week. Exception: There is no exception. The allied troops can stay in those two nitflicked countries for a week or 50 years and when we do pull out, it’s going to Allah in a hand basket. It’s called historical precedence. Get out now and don’t look back. The Middle Eastern warfront is like Vietnam, only sandy.
9) Make a law that mandates elected officials receive exactly the same benefits as the unwashed masses … no more, no less. That means every person with a first name of Sen. or Rep. goes on Social Security and Medicare. (That solves the endless chaotic chatter about the sky-is-falling Social Security program.)
10) Flat tax. Everybody who makes over $25,000 a year pays. No exceptions.
11) Get rid of the tax code. Straight-line reporting: Income x % = tax owed. Exemptions: Child and other current house residents, and state and local taxes can be deducted.
12) Term limits. With term limits, federal office holders don’t have to worry so much about pleasing corporations and individuals with deep pockets.
‘Nuff said.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Scamming the Internet Spamming Scammers
For the past several years, my daughter -- Mattie Somer Smith Cummins -- and I have been hooking up with Internet scammers. The effort has resulted in more than 200,000 words ... and some of the funniest correspondence since Al Gore invented the Internet.
The book is in final editing stage and here is an unedited excerpt.
From: Dora Saki
Subject: ALL ABOUT MY LIFE
To: George Smith
Hello My darling,
How are you today? I hope you are doing pretty well. For me here is very cold here in Senegal. Like i think i told you before, i lost my parents.My late father Dr Oliver Saki was a minister of Works and Housing in my country. And he was also the managing director(Olive industrial company LTD) in Abidjan the capital of Ivory Coast my country before the rebels attacked our House one early morning killing my mother and my father as a result of civil war in my country. It is only me that survived the attack because i was in school then and i managed to make my way to a nearby country Senegal where i am staying now in refugee camp.. I am real suffering this moment. It is a great hell and less freedom here in refugee camp. And in this camp we are only allowed to go out every Friday of the week(once in a week). It's just like one staying in the prison and i believe by God's grace i will come out here soon. I don't have any relatives now whom i can go to, all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war, the only person i have now is Rev. Steve who is the pastor of the (Christ the King Inter'l Churches) here in refugee camp Senegal. He has been very nice to me since i came here but i am not living with him rather i am staying in women's hostel because the camp have two hostels one for men the other for women.
Here is the Pastor's Telephone number to reach me ( 00221777053160 ) if you call tell him that you want to speak with me and he will send for me in women's hostel. As a refugee here i don't have any right or privilege to any thing be it money or whatever that might be against the law of this Muslim country. As i told you before i want to go back to my studies because i only attended second year in university before the tragic incident that lead to me being in this situation occured.
My darling I want to confide in you and please listen to this, i have my late father's statement of account and death certificate here with me which i will send to you later because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in one of the leading banks here in Senegal which he used my name as the next of kin. The amount in question is US $2.2M ( Two Million Two Hundred Thousand Dollars ). So i will like you to help me transfer this money to your account and from it you will send some money for me to get my travelling documents and air ticket to come over and meet you. I kept this secret to people in the camp here, the only person that knows about it is Rev.Steve because he is like a guardian to me.
So in the light of above, i will like you to keep it to yourself and please don't tell anybody about this because i am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people get to know about it. Remember i am giving you all this information due to the trust i have in you. I like honest and understanding people, a true visionary and hardworking. My favourite language is English but our language is french, but i speak English very fluently. Meanwhile, i will like you to call me like i said i have a lot to tell you. Already I have made up of my mind not continue to stay in this camp again! I will be waiting to hear from you soonest.Have a nice day.
Yours lovely, Dora.
MY REPLY
Dear Darling:
I have prayed about helping you. Most of the praying was at the Jehovah's Leanfeed Pentacostal Church in Barleyville. It is a church founded by born-aginners who were gastronomically challenged. You know, big ol' good uns that field dressed out at about 350 pounds and thought of a mile-long buffet as a snack. I used to be one of them hummers but after I went on the grapefruit diet, I lost more than 200 pounds. My wife got tired of eating grapefruit and left me. (That's supposed to be a joke, but she really did.)
My praying resulted in a decision: I will help you soonest!
Anyway, I couldn't help but notice that you didn't answer any of my querying questions in my last email. Why is that? I appreciate your information and especially about your plight. Plights is terrible!!!! I've had some in my life, for sure.
Here's part of what I wrote earlier and would like some commenting commentary:
Dora, from your photo you are gorgeous! For another, I don't believe I can help you. I am older ... a lot older ... and am not in the best of health, due to the wreck I had several years ago. You are 22. I have shoes that are 22, for God's sake.
I am live quietly on my ranch in Arkansas, watching a herd of illegal aliens tending to my herd of thistle-eating cattle and guinea hens and horses. I still get around, if you know what I mean, (there are always women who want something from me) but nothing like I use to.
For one so young, you are so insightful!!!! The world is not a bed of roses, but it is full of saw vines, pigfish spines and meadow muffins.
I would like nothing better than to have a serious relationship with you ... Hell! With anyone! ... but I have nothing much to offer other than my 4,700-square-foot house with a pool and hot tub, sauna, 650 aces in farm subsidy heaven, and a tender, generous heart.
I look at your picture and remember when, maybe, I could have been someone of whom you could be proud. This shell is no longer that person.
I will answer your questions below simply because you asked.
Likes? I like life, not at it is, but as it was. I am going to have a spine operation this fall and hopefully that will help me get back into traveling shape. Nothing I like better than traveling to foreign countries and sighting the seas.
Dislikes? Spam (the meat and the email kind), liver, brussell sprouts and anyone who would harm children and animals. Oh, I hate any bed sheets that are less than 1,000 thread count. Scratchy bastards!
What do I do for a living? Well, I used to be in the investment business, but don't have to do that anymore. I like watching the ebb and flow of stocks that I follow. Hobbies? I surf the Internet and occasionally check on a frisky site or two or look for bargains on eBay or look up recipes so I can get my online gourmet chef's certificate. I love massages and have three rubber-downers come by once a week. Very relaxing.
I am older, I said, and with my physical condition, life is not much fun.
Just looking at your picture gave me the biggest thrill I've had in ages. Seriously, do you know how beautiful and sexy you are?
For that, and your nice letter, thank you.
George "Bubba" Smith
NOW, I said I would help you and I would. My word is my word and I abide by it even when I wish I couldn't.
I tried calling Rev. Steve and he didn't answer. Some woman who spoke some sort of foreign language with a foreigner accent answered and I thought she said should could do my laundry on Tuesday but that can't be right. I do laundry on Saturday.
How much money do you need to get to Arkansas? I can get it out of my truss fund because a truss can't help my condition anyhow. How will I get it to you? What guarantee do I have you will actually come if I send you the money? Do you have to tithe some to Rev. Steve?
I will help but help me understand how and send me the information I asked for earlier.
George "Bubba" Smith
The book is in final editing stage and here is an unedited excerpt.
From: Dora Saki
Subject: ALL ABOUT MY LIFE
To: George Smith
Hello My darling,
How are you today? I hope you are doing pretty well. For me here is very cold here in Senegal. Like i think i told you before, i lost my parents.My late father Dr Oliver Saki was a minister of Works and Housing in my country. And he was also the managing director(Olive industrial company LTD) in Abidjan the capital of Ivory Coast my country before the rebels attacked our House one early morning killing my mother and my father as a result of civil war in my country. It is only me that survived the attack because i was in school then and i managed to make my way to a nearby country Senegal where i am staying now in refugee camp.. I am real suffering this moment. It is a great hell and less freedom here in refugee camp. And in this camp we are only allowed to go out every Friday of the week(once in a week). It's just like one staying in the prison and i believe by God's grace i will come out here soon. I don't have any relatives now whom i can go to, all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war, the only person i have now is Rev. Steve who is the pastor of the (Christ the King Inter'l Churches) here in refugee camp Senegal. He has been very nice to me since i came here but i am not living with him rather i am staying in women's hostel because the camp have two hostels one for men the other for women.
Here is the Pastor's Telephone number to reach me ( 00221777053160 ) if you call tell him that you want to speak with me and he will send for me in women's hostel. As a refugee here i don't have any right or privilege to any thing be it money or whatever that might be against the law of this Muslim country. As i told you before i want to go back to my studies because i only attended second year in university before the tragic incident that lead to me being in this situation occured.
My darling I want to confide in you and please listen to this, i have my late father's statement of account and death certificate here with me which i will send to you later because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in one of the leading banks here in Senegal which he used my name as the next of kin. The amount in question is US $2.2M ( Two Million Two Hundred Thousand Dollars ). So i will like you to help me transfer this money to your account and from it you will send some money for me to get my travelling documents and air ticket to come over and meet you. I kept this secret to people in the camp here, the only person that knows about it is Rev.Steve because he is like a guardian to me.
So in the light of above, i will like you to keep it to yourself and please don't tell anybody about this because i am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people get to know about it. Remember i am giving you all this information due to the trust i have in you. I like honest and understanding people, a true visionary and hardworking. My favourite language is English but our language is french, but i speak English very fluently. Meanwhile, i will like you to call me like i said i have a lot to tell you. Already I have made up of my mind not continue to stay in this camp again! I will be waiting to hear from you soonest.Have a nice day.
Yours lovely, Dora.
MY REPLY
Dear Darling:
I have prayed about helping you. Most of the praying was at the Jehovah's Leanfeed Pentacostal Church in Barleyville. It is a church founded by born-aginners who were gastronomically challenged. You know, big ol' good uns that field dressed out at about 350 pounds and thought of a mile-long buffet as a snack. I used to be one of them hummers but after I went on the grapefruit diet, I lost more than 200 pounds. My wife got tired of eating grapefruit and left me. (That's supposed to be a joke, but she really did.)
My praying resulted in a decision: I will help you soonest!
Anyway, I couldn't help but notice that you didn't answer any of my querying questions in my last email. Why is that? I appreciate your information and especially about your plight. Plights is terrible!!!! I've had some in my life, for sure.
Here's part of what I wrote earlier and would like some commenting commentary:
Dora, from your photo you are gorgeous! For another, I don't believe I can help you. I am older ... a lot older ... and am not in the best of health, due to the wreck I had several years ago. You are 22. I have shoes that are 22, for God's sake.
I am live quietly on my ranch in Arkansas, watching a herd of illegal aliens tending to my herd of thistle-eating cattle and guinea hens and horses. I still get around, if you know what I mean, (there are always women who want something from me) but nothing like I use to.
For one so young, you are so insightful!!!! The world is not a bed of roses, but it is full of saw vines, pigfish spines and meadow muffins.
I would like nothing better than to have a serious relationship with you ... Hell! With anyone! ... but I have nothing much to offer other than my 4,700-square-foot house with a pool and hot tub, sauna, 650 aces in farm subsidy heaven, and a tender, generous heart.
I look at your picture and remember when, maybe, I could have been someone of whom you could be proud. This shell is no longer that person.
I will answer your questions below simply because you asked.
Likes? I like life, not at it is, but as it was. I am going to have a spine operation this fall and hopefully that will help me get back into traveling shape. Nothing I like better than traveling to foreign countries and sighting the seas.
Dislikes? Spam (the meat and the email kind), liver, brussell sprouts and anyone who would harm children and animals. Oh, I hate any bed sheets that are less than 1,000 thread count. Scratchy bastards!
What do I do for a living? Well, I used to be in the investment business, but don't have to do that anymore. I like watching the ebb and flow of stocks that I follow. Hobbies? I surf the Internet and occasionally check on a frisky site or two or look for bargains on eBay or look up recipes so I can get my online gourmet chef's certificate. I love massages and have three rubber-downers come by once a week. Very relaxing.
I am older, I said, and with my physical condition, life is not much fun.
Just looking at your picture gave me the biggest thrill I've had in ages. Seriously, do you know how beautiful and sexy you are?
For that, and your nice letter, thank you.
George "Bubba" Smith
NOW, I said I would help you and I would. My word is my word and I abide by it even when I wish I couldn't.
I tried calling Rev. Steve and he didn't answer. Some woman who spoke some sort of foreign language with a foreigner accent answered and I thought she said should could do my laundry on Tuesday but that can't be right. I do laundry on Saturday.
How much money do you need to get to Arkansas? I can get it out of my truss fund because a truss can't help my condition anyhow. How will I get it to you? What guarantee do I have you will actually come if I send you the money? Do you have to tithe some to Rev. Steve?
I will help but help me understand how and send me the information I asked for earlier.
George "Bubba" Smith
Thursday, February 17, 2011
A horse of a different persuasion
I wish to make a pronouncement, several, in fact.
I’m not a liberal.
I’m not a conservative.
I’m an independent with fiscally conservative leanings.
I think Big Government is too big and the only ones who can change that won’t because they feel powerless. (Hint: You, me, the voters.)
I am for civil rights. Heck, I love civil rights, especially when they pertain to me.
And, I distain nutcases regardless of party affiliation, political bent, or something important like … hairstyle.
One of the biggest nut jobs around today goes by the name of Glen Beck. He is Rush Limbaugh clone, although a skinnier, shadow version of the first angry conservative pundit. Beck likes to take folks to the lick-log for disbelieving the political pabulum he spews on his television and radio shows. He seems to have a new target for this righteous indignation every day or two, and sometimes the target does not really seem to matter.
For example, Beck recently stated he will no longer use the Google search engine because of what he claimed were the site’s ties to government agencies and its so-called involvement in the uprising in Egypt.
Say, huh?
Spread that manure a little more smoothly, if you please.
Seriously, the man said, “There’s a strange thing going on with this search engine and our government and we all have to choose who we do business with.” (Without splitting too many fine hairs, the correct grammar for that statement would be …”to choose with whom we do business.”)
Personally, I like Google. I have used it for years and not once have I felt it was being used to overthrow this or any other government.
Not to let the Google matter drop after one stupid comment, Beck explained further: “I’m really not sure that I want my search engine involved in government overthrows, good or bad.”
It’s a major jump from scary to stupid, but Beck did it with aplomb and graceless energy.
The devoted followers –and believers -- of people like Beck are sheep, being led down a path of ridiculousness while trying to fervently embrace philosophical kinship with a minor celebrity and larger-than-life demagogue.
God protect us from the Glen Becks of this world. But, then again, if He was even interested in this mess, He’d already done something about it.
I’m not a liberal.
I’m not a conservative.
I’m an independent with fiscally conservative leanings.
I think Big Government is too big and the only ones who can change that won’t because they feel powerless. (Hint: You, me, the voters.)
I am for civil rights. Heck, I love civil rights, especially when they pertain to me.
And, I distain nutcases regardless of party affiliation, political bent, or something important like … hairstyle.
One of the biggest nut jobs around today goes by the name of Glen Beck. He is Rush Limbaugh clone, although a skinnier, shadow version of the first angry conservative pundit. Beck likes to take folks to the lick-log for disbelieving the political pabulum he spews on his television and radio shows. He seems to have a new target for this righteous indignation every day or two, and sometimes the target does not really seem to matter.
For example, Beck recently stated he will no longer use the Google search engine because of what he claimed were the site’s ties to government agencies and its so-called involvement in the uprising in Egypt.
Say, huh?
Spread that manure a little more smoothly, if you please.
Seriously, the man said, “There’s a strange thing going on with this search engine and our government and we all have to choose who we do business with.” (Without splitting too many fine hairs, the correct grammar for that statement would be …”to choose with whom we do business.”)
Personally, I like Google. I have used it for years and not once have I felt it was being used to overthrow this or any other government.
Not to let the Google matter drop after one stupid comment, Beck explained further: “I’m really not sure that I want my search engine involved in government overthrows, good or bad.”
It’s a major jump from scary to stupid, but Beck did it with aplomb and graceless energy.
The devoted followers –and believers -- of people like Beck are sheep, being led down a path of ridiculousness while trying to fervently embrace philosophical kinship with a minor celebrity and larger-than-life demagogue.
God protect us from the Glen Becks of this world. But, then again, if He was even interested in this mess, He’d already done something about it.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Time to kill a few rumors
Rumors are just lies told with supposedly insider knowledge. The rumor mills never stop, regardless of location.
So, for the record, here’s some rumors that have no validity and I take this opportunity to slap them down with a vehement spirit.
1) Sarah Palin will not run for president in 2012. Neither will Mike Huckabee. Neither will 12 politicians we don't know who have a good chance of winning the presidency.
2) The wife of the top Taliban spiritual leader was quoted as saying in an interview that she thinks President Barack Obama is “one hunky dude.”
3) Wal-Mart is going to revert to its traditional roots and pledges to provide exemplary customer service.
4) Soccer is a communist plot to keep good athletes from participating in football, baseball and basketball.
5) Those little stickers placed on fruit and vegetables are part of a terrorist plot to poison Americans. (I hate them durn things!)
6) Computers in all stores are always totally accurate in reading prices and weights.
7) When most adults say “it’s bout the kids” in regard to education, sports or extra-curricular activities, it’s always – always – about the kids.
8) No one in government has ever paid an individual to cast a vote a certain way or work to get others to vote likewise.
9) There are monied folks in this country who work hard behind the scenes to get certain candidates elected simply because they believe in good government without personal gain.
10) A recent assault by American warplanes near the Pakistani border with Afghanistan killed more than 15 sheep, leaving Osama bin Laden without a date for the 10th Annual Terrorist Prom.
So, for the record, here’s some rumors that have no validity and I take this opportunity to slap them down with a vehement spirit.
1) Sarah Palin will not run for president in 2012. Neither will Mike Huckabee. Neither will 12 politicians we don't know who have a good chance of winning the presidency.
2) The wife of the top Taliban spiritual leader was quoted as saying in an interview that she thinks President Barack Obama is “one hunky dude.”
3) Wal-Mart is going to revert to its traditional roots and pledges to provide exemplary customer service.
4) Soccer is a communist plot to keep good athletes from participating in football, baseball and basketball.
5) Those little stickers placed on fruit and vegetables are part of a terrorist plot to poison Americans. (I hate them durn things!)
6) Computers in all stores are always totally accurate in reading prices and weights.
7) When most adults say “it’s bout the kids” in regard to education, sports or extra-curricular activities, it’s always – always – about the kids.
8) No one in government has ever paid an individual to cast a vote a certain way or work to get others to vote likewise.
9) There are monied folks in this country who work hard behind the scenes to get certain candidates elected simply because they believe in good government without personal gain.
10) A recent assault by American warplanes near the Pakistani border with Afghanistan killed more than 15 sheep, leaving Osama bin Laden without a date for the 10th Annual Terrorist Prom.
More unvarnished police news, please and thank you
It’s a visceral thing, not a cerebral thing, this penchant for most humans to stare at those life-occurrences that repulse us. You know, the car wreck, ambulance in attendance. The house afire. The report of a drowning or hatchet murder or bombing.
It’s that same urge that makes reading the police report in some newspapers literary fodder for many readers.
A perusal of the police report in a community newspaper recently had some juicy tidbits – possession of marijuana, disorderly conduct, public intoxication, and the like. But what could serve as good back fence gossip was watered down by the legalese thrown into the report. To wit: Somebody named Charlene was charged with failure to maintain financial responsibility; a Billy Joe was charged with DWI and driving while license invalid with previous conviction; and Kevin was charged in Waskom with speeding.
What’s the real story? Where’s the guts, the info, the beef? Did Charlene stick it to a local merchant and not pay her bill? Was Billy Joe staggering-drunk or just tipsy? Did he blow a 2.4 on the breathalyzer? And was Kevin going 110 in a 30 mph. zone or just seven miles over the limit?
Police reports can be very entertaining. At several papers it was my pleasure to serve as editor and/or publisher, the court/cops reporter was instructed to take down the charges exactly as written by the arresting officer. Some were quite memorable.
In Las Cruces, New Mexico, this was the report by a citizen: “Mrs. XYZ reported a ‘strange’ man standing in her front yard urinating on her water meter. He was gone by the time officers arrived.”
In Mountain Home, Arkansas’ Baxter Bulletin: “The resident at XYZ East Main reported her cat had locked her out of the house. Officers went to assist and found she was using the key to her garage to try and gain entrance. No cat seen at the scene.”
In Selma, Alabama: “Councilman XYZ reported that at 2 a.m. every day for the past week someone had thrown a sack of dog crap in his yard. He wanted extra patrols in the area.”
Again, in Selma: “A report filed of a naked woman running down the middle of Highway XYZ. All officers on duty responded. An aggressive search of the area uncovered no naked woman.”
All police reports are interesting reading on some level. But most can certainly be improved by less editing and more “reality.” It stimulates the imagination, you know.
It’s that same urge that makes reading the police report in some newspapers literary fodder for many readers.
A perusal of the police report in a community newspaper recently had some juicy tidbits – possession of marijuana, disorderly conduct, public intoxication, and the like. But what could serve as good back fence gossip was watered down by the legalese thrown into the report. To wit: Somebody named Charlene was charged with failure to maintain financial responsibility; a Billy Joe was charged with DWI and driving while license invalid with previous conviction; and Kevin was charged in Waskom with speeding.
What’s the real story? Where’s the guts, the info, the beef? Did Charlene stick it to a local merchant and not pay her bill? Was Billy Joe staggering-drunk or just tipsy? Did he blow a 2.4 on the breathalyzer? And was Kevin going 110 in a 30 mph. zone or just seven miles over the limit?
Police reports can be very entertaining. At several papers it was my pleasure to serve as editor and/or publisher, the court/cops reporter was instructed to take down the charges exactly as written by the arresting officer. Some were quite memorable.
In Las Cruces, New Mexico, this was the report by a citizen: “Mrs. XYZ reported a ‘strange’ man standing in her front yard urinating on her water meter. He was gone by the time officers arrived.”
In Mountain Home, Arkansas’ Baxter Bulletin: “The resident at XYZ East Main reported her cat had locked her out of the house. Officers went to assist and found she was using the key to her garage to try and gain entrance. No cat seen at the scene.”
In Selma, Alabama: “Councilman XYZ reported that at 2 a.m. every day for the past week someone had thrown a sack of dog crap in his yard. He wanted extra patrols in the area.”
Again, in Selma: “A report filed of a naked woman running down the middle of Highway XYZ. All officers on duty responded. An aggressive search of the area uncovered no naked woman.”
All police reports are interesting reading on some level. But most can certainly be improved by less editing and more “reality.” It stimulates the imagination, you know.
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